FRANK REPORT: Prisoners Are Not Human, But They Are Profitable
PLUS: The Distinct Attorney and Queen Crime Combat the Catalytic Converter Kleptomaniacal Cataclysm
Read Luthmann’s latest from the FRANK REPORT:
In Prisoners Are Not Human, But They Are Profitable, Luthmann talks about the unconscionable yet not unconstitutional conditions faced by Federal Bureau of Prisons inmates, particularly those placed in segregated housing in the SHU. Luthmann further discusses how prisoners and their families face significant challenges and are prime targets for financial exploitation.
The Distinct Attorney and Queen Crime Combat the Catalytic Converter Kleptomaniacal Cataclysm
A recent report by the Laline Express said that NYC’s illegal heroin and fentanyl supplies are being flooded with the deadly animal sedative xylazine, leading to overdoses. So when you go to your supplier for the death dose, be sure to have them throw in some “Rainbow Fentanyl” for good measure. If you’re gonna go, it might as well be with smiles and rainbows.
And illegal drugs aren’t the only problem. Violence against Jews that smacks of the 1991 Crown Height riots is becoming a daily occurrence. New York City is seeing a return to the crime-ridden decades of a generation ago. Recent trends suggest that a return to the bad old days is becoming more and more likely.
NYPD statistics for July illustrate the problem:
Overall index crime in New York City increased in July 2022, by 30.5% compared with July 2021 (11,619 v. 8,906). Six of the seven major index-crime categories saw increases, driven by a 40.6% increase in grand larceny (4,588 v. 3,262), a 37.2% increase in robbery (1,730 v. 1,261), and a 25.6% rise in burglary (1,325 v. 1,055).
The NYC Subways aren’t safe. You can get shot, stabbed, or robbed in broad daylight. And when the cops catch a violent career criminal, it’s catch and release because of the bail laws.
But fear not local denizens. Two powerful forces have combined their efforts to change the face of crimefighting forever by targeting a major driver of NYC’s crime. And what, pray you to ask, is this elusive source of NYC’s crime spike? Ask the Distinct Attorney and Queen Crime and they will tell you: the catalytic converter.
Catalytic Converter Kleptocrats
Yes, within days of each other, Queen Crime is touting her latest sponsored legislation in the Silly Council and the Distinct Attorney will be holding a “Catalytic Converter Carnival.” Apparently, by keeping track of catalytic converter serial numbers, everything will be OK. What matters is that politicians have soundbites and “successful” programs to point to when they are coming up for re-election.
Outside the Silly Council Chamber, Queen Crime had this to say: “Catalytic converter thieves are no good. We can’t let them have money of their own. We need them on welfare and dependent on us. If they want to be entrepreneurs, let them open up a Cannabis Distributorship.”
What about the people who rob, steal, shoot, and stab? Is there a plan to bring them to justice? When asked, a tub known only as “The Schmear” responded: “We have no comment on those people. Along with cemetery residents, they are our voting base and we have an election coming up in eleven months.”
The catalytic converter tagging program has its critics. But it also has its supporters. One of Queen Crime’s staffers was quoted as saying: “There is no such thing as insignificant crime. When we take down the criminal catalytic converter rings, who knows what we’ll find? There could be loot connected to the Lufthansa heist. When we take out the catalytic converters, we could find the final resting place of Jimmy Hoffa.”
What is one to think? Luthmann can’t say, he’s generally confused. And the Laline Express won’t say because they didn’t get any talking points memo from their masters at the Distinct Attorney’s Office. Normally loyal hounds last about fifteen years. This mutt has been carrying the Distinct Attorney’s water for the last thirty years.
Maybe the best advice is to enjoy the Catalytic Converter Carnival this Saturday. It’s a freebie and all it will cost you is your quality of life.
Queen Crime and the Distinct Attorney run for re-election on Tuesday, November 7, 2023.
WHAT’S NEXT?
Is there more? Of course, there is more. Luthmann is armed with many weapons in the Great Troll War.
But there will be many more Enemies to come. What new Enemies will show their faces in the Feudal Court and elsewhere? Which members of the Tyrannical Ruling Elite should be worried? What other persons may become collateral damage in this story? And what magical weapons does Luthmann have to slay his Enemies?
Stay tuned. Much more to come.
We welcome any and all comments.